After that day I stopped being me. I stopped looking in the mirror, spending time with my family and cut off all contacts basically. Hold up!! Ya might wonder, what's happening? Oh, did someone try and skip the first chapter. C'mon, first read the "The Red Diaries"; the link to the first chapter is right here (don't be lazy):the-red-diaries.html.
Right so, back to the story. I kinda disappeared and this part is really important. I was using social media. **I'M NOT TELLING YA TO STOP DOING ANYTHING BUT THERE ARE 2 WAYS IN WHICH SOCIAL MEDIA COULD POSSIBLY AFFECT YOUR MINDSET AND POSITIVITY**. The first way in which social media could affect people is the way in which it affected me. Y'all, I made a huge mistake, I looked at models and actresses rocking their perfect curves and I'd lose my mind. I thought of myself as that sore thumb that sticks out all the time. I hated my body, ah!!!!!!!! every fricking inch of it. I hated my face and everything that belonged to me. I can't explain this stuff well but I'll try. Social media, therefore, messed my mindset up. But some people are also affected positively. For example, they'll set goals and stuff and feel happy by just thinking that they could look like that in the near future. That's how I controlled or learned to control how social media affects my goals, mindset, health and positivity. I know the feeling of sadness that dawned on me when I remembered what a classmate of mine said. They were talking about abs; reminiscing the moment when JIMIN of BTS (yep I'm a BTS Stan too, SURPRISE!) showed his abs during a performance. I said something about how I had developed abs too and a girl came closer, she tried to pull at my shirt to see and I grabbed my shirt tight as anxiety whispered how I was ugly. They, then proceeded to laugh at me and call me a liar. 🤥 So, that did wonders for my self-esteem. I remember how much I tried to convince myself that what they said was mere stupidity. But I ended up hating myself more. These things that happened; these little jokes that people forget, they stuck with me always, I couldn't dare to forget. I cried so much that day and tore off my workout plan ( couldn't punch the mirror to break it into a hundred pieces though😂). Y'all, that day I thought of quitting, even though I hadn't really even started yet; I said it out loud,"I wanna f*****g quit because I can't do this anymore". That was also the first time I thought of killing myself. This first "suicide attempt" went bloody and I can't talk about it, I'm really sorry. Whatever I did is on me. So, I tried killing myself but I'm still alive which means two things: I believed in myself and I pulled through a very, very dark time in my life; I know I am not you and you're not me, I, however, also believe that we might be going through the same thing. So, listen y'all, SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER TO ANYONE'S PROBLEMS.
SOME HELPFUL TIPS AND GREAT VIBEY SONGS FOR YOU TO LISTEN TO:
1. Try every morning to look in the mirror to compliment yourself and also try to practice affirmations because they make a hella lot of difference, trust me on this one. The affirmations I say to myself are: Whoa! you look really good today or wow, them abs tho! or I love you, Leah and I am proud of you and so on. But y'all try and make affirmations that are helpful to you.
👩🏻🦳 SONGS TO ENJOY:
- Teeth by 5 seconds of summer
- Intentions by Justin Bieber (think of it as though he's talking to you) or maybe listen to his new album: CHANGES, all of its songs are bomb!! 💕😁
- Roxanne by Arizona Zerves
- Boyfriend by Mabel
- Cheating on you by Charlie Puth
Hope you enjoyed this chapter of "The Red Diaries". Tune in for more. Keep living. Loving. Repeating.
Comments
Post a Comment